1 lil, 2 lil, 3 lil ndns... (actually there's 4 [5 even] in this story)

If you saw him walking down the street you wouldn't expect he'd be a man of controversy.

In fact, he looks like a typical traditional ndn man who's seen days in a residential school. He's got the long braided hair, the cowboy boots, the levi jeans, and the swagger to match. He wears it well on his face that he's seen harsh situations but when he speaks you wouldn't think so.

At least within the boundaries of his community anyway.

I understand I am a reporter. And sure, he may be able to play with my head a little. But these kind of feelings I've seen him express, you can't fake.

I've seen him speak to others in his community with respect and dignity. The sound of his voice in some circumstances couldn't even scare a sleeping baby awake.

I've also seen him tell more than a fair share of his members to quit whining or to put their money where their mouth is, so to speak. Like when his community members were causing a ruckus in Winnipeg hotels while the community was threatened to go under water this spring. If they want to piss around I welcome others to piss on them right back, he told me when I asked him how he felt about some getting sent home (I didn't put quotes because I can't remember if that was word for word).

But whatever it is that's come out of his mouth, he's backed it up time and time again.

If you haven't guessed it yet, I'm talking about Roseau River Chief Terry Nelson who just happens to be one of this year's candidates for the Grand Chief of the Assembly of First Nations.

He's one of four candidates this year. There is no guaranteed winner this time around as National Chief Phil Fontaine or Dr. Phil (hahaha...get it?) as I like to call him (he got an honorary degree from the U of W last year) has announced he isn't going to run again.

While in office Fontaine managed to get an apology from the Prime Minister, and got the ball rolling on the treaty commission. He's also spoke about making poverty history, and managed to stay in office for more than one term.

Nelson is definately the opposite of Dr. Phil.

Fontaine was sometimes seen as a people pleaser (more so people in gov't). Nelson doesn't care whether someone loves to hate him or hates to love him.

Today I speak mainly of Nelson because I've interviewed the guy over a couple dozen times. I've had the chance to see how he's reacted in many different situations.

And believe me, I've seen him say worse things than quit whining. I witnessed him say,

"There's only one way to deal with a white man. You either pick up a gun or you stand between him and his money," years ago.

He may have over-reacted but when it came down to it, he did get the federal government to transfer 30 hectares of Crown land back to his community, what he initially wanted before the whole National Day of Action came to be.

Nelson was also the man to find a loophole in the provincial ban on smoking in casinos. So he's got to have a brain to think and read in between the lines.

While interviewing him one on one once, he was talking about ways to handle certain things, such as the 2007 threat to block major railways that run through reserve land.

Any person in their right mind would know his approach he's used time and time again is with a whole lot of aggression. So I call him on it and you know what he says to me? He told me being aggressive was the best option.

I also asked him if he noticed (these are times he's done interviews with me, I can't compare other times I wasn't around) that he always managed to blame the white man. He laughed at me.

Personally, I think he's a cocky mofo. I have facts to support this.

Take the example above (flood 09), while water levels rose to 1997 levels across the province, putting many communities in danger (including Roseau), Chief Nelson was out of the country (even when he technically wasn't the chief because of a dispute and a re-vote). When called on it by a cbc reporter he asked,

"what am i supposed to do, sandbag?"

You can't sit there and tell me that's not cocky. I had the chance to interview him after he spoke these words. He laughed at me again. But what he said to me after he had a good laugh stuck in my head.

He said something about all us media folks, not everyone likes us or what we report on. But at the end of the day, it's our job and whatever strategy we choose to use, not everyone is going to like but it doesn't meant we are going to throw that strategy completely out the window either. Meaning, not all situations are the same.

I understood he was avoiding the question but it made so much sense. But of course I didn't like the quote because it didn't answer my question simply so I asked him again because by that point what did I have to lose?

He laughed at me again, but I think it's because I had balls to ask him 3 different ways the same question. And after years of interviewing the guy and not twisting his words (because some of the questions he flips back on reporters time and time again, could be taken way out of context) I believe I also earned his respect.

He went on to talk about after the flood threat was gone, his community would still be 2 million plus in a hole. He and his staff on the reserve had already delegated people to take on the role.

That's when it hit me even more. It was similar to words of my mother. It's about picking and choosing which battles are more important. It was about knowing when one person wasn't strong enough to do everything at once and allowing others to try (the two heads are better than one, and three or four and so on are better..you get the idea).

I don't always agree with the way Nelson does things. In fact, more than half the time I'm left standing there shaking my head.

But at the same time, I have a whole lot of respect for the guy and it has nothing to do with sucking up to get the next best story. It's about his passion for his people, our people. It shines through. Something we both have in common. And I honestly believe this (passion) is one of the greatest strengths a person can have.

It's also about not backing down from his words he's spoken. And I can't forget to mention, it's also about returning phone calls and not putting people on the sluff (As a reporter I was never once sluffed by Nelson, he's even answered his cell, when my number showed up, while he was in a few business meetings.

I think it's also about really taking that step to become a sovern nation, as in not depending on the feds for the rest of our lives. And this is what Nelson says he's going to do.

I think a good leader needs these qualities.

Though in my opinion it wouldn't hurt for the guy to take anger management (it helps, i've taken it. lol.) and to stop blaming the white man for everything. That's just a cop out. (But in time, I think he will outgrow the blame game).

Right now though the odds are against him. There are 4 guys running for the position (Shawn Atleo of BC, John Beaucage of northern Ontario, Perry Bellegarde of Sk, and Nelson of MB), and Manitoba has the least number of votes and early predictions are putting Atleo in the driver seat.

But I'll tell you one thing, Nelson is definitely ruffling some feathers on some headdresses across the country.

At the end of it all, whoever wins, those are definitely some big shoes to fill.

Shawn Atleo- BC Region

Perry Bellegarde, SK region

John Beaucage, ON region

Terry Nelson, MB region

ps- I still think Nelson is one cocky mofo and win or lose, I'm sure he's going to help change the perception of many other chiefs during the AFN gathering in Calgary at the end of July.

EDIT= (July 22, 2009) I've been neglecting this site for a while but I just had to add that since the last post nearly a month ago someone else decided to throw his hat into the race. His name is Bill Wilson (no relation by the way, lol) and he comes from British Columbia.

Bill Wilson, BC region

ps- The voting starts today with all 633 Chiefs across the country.

Kick to the ass should do me good

When I woke up today I began to cry. A cry that had so many emotions attached to it.

It's because I had one of those rare dreams. And it had everything to do with her.


My great-grandmother Beatrice. I lost her 2 and a half years ago. She was ninety and so full of life.

It's hard to explain these moments of clarity a person gets, especially when it comes in the form of a dream.

In my dream she was right there in front of me.

There she was, sitting in the living room, gazing out the huge "picture window" as she used to call it.

I had just drove into the reserve and was going to speak with her. The timeline fits my life right now....which is weird because I know she has passed on.

"My life is at a standstill," I shout to her as I walk in. "I need help. I don't know where to go from here."

She greets me with a smile. No words are spoken from her but a hand gesture is made that tells me to come sit beside her.

I can feel her next to me (even my sleeping body could feel her sitting next to me). Oh my it's an amazing feeling.

I immediately tell her I lost my job 2 months ago and I didn't have the courage to tell her sooner. She laughs at me. An odd reaction I think.

"You think I didn't notice you weren't on tv?" she says. I laugh with her. "I guess I didn't think about that," I say. "Well what now?"

She looks and smiles. "Silly question," she tells me.

"What do you mean Kookum?" I respond.

She immediately lifts her long pointer finger and takes a quick poke to my shoulder (you know those boney granny fingers that poke you so deep and leave an instant sting? Well one of those.).

I try to pretend like it didn't hurt. So she does it again harder.

"What?" I say slightly irritated (even in my dream she could get me going and start to realize I already know the answer but I'm playing the stupid role all to well).

She points to her own head as she makes a facial expression meant to imitate me like I just got the world's greatest idea.

"Kookum, I missed you," I could hear my sleeping self mumble.

She smiles. Leans in and says in her soothing voice, "Tiar baby, you pick yourself back up. Your opportunity to shine is out there. Go get it."

As she stares me down. She raises her finger in a no nonsense kinda way, "Or do I have to give you a kick in the ass to jolt it in you?" She says with a cheeky laugh.

With that said, she kisses my cheek. "That's it. Just a kiss on the cheek?"

And just like that I was awake...with the faint smell of her in my room and a warm cheek, like I had just been kissed.

And like mentioned earlier I started to cry. It was an immediate reaction to feeling ripped off because it was only a dream. I was lonely and wanted to be with my kookum, the one person in my life that could make it, make life, all better.

Just as fast as I understood the feeling I began to start to feel relief that I could actually remember every detail of how she looked, sounded, smelled, reacted. Yep, I had been blessed.

Not long after, I found myself smiling and eventually I was giggling.

It's strange how just yesterday I was talking about how I finally started realizing I need a job. Well, I knew all along I did, but for a month now, it's like I've been purposely avoiding the media scene.

I guess you can say, that awakening this morning (err, afternoon) was my kick in the ass. Thanks Kookum. I needed that.

I found my career; now I need a job

10 reasons why i need a media job (preferably a reporter but i will settle for another cool gig).

1 i'm too nosey to not have one a career in media

2 i'm sooooo bored without knowing what's going on

3 actually i'm following media sources still so i do know what's going on which goes to show how lame i am for still paying attention which goes to show i need a job in the industry

4 because i'm so bored i've made this blog account and i'm blogging everyday (which speaks for itself!). lol.

5 i'm too smart and creative to not have a gig

6 i like finding the good in everything, and that goes to show not all people in media believe the 'if it bleeds it leads' theory which makes it clear i should have a job in media (which brings me to my next point that is some what similar...)

7 i really like the satisfaction i get from knowing i did someone's story justice. which goes to show i care and we all need people who care.

8 i enjoy meeting new people and can talk to anyone whether he/she is 5, 16, 25, 48... you get the idea (yes even 90 year olds!).

9 i'm focused under constant pressure and thrive off daily deadlines and that would make not only the people in the story feel good but the company i work for because at the end of the day everyone is happy (including me because i would have a media job!).

10 and I like the attention. why else would someone get in media? (ps- those that say they don't are lying).

Now all you industry professionals out there who can help. message me. i'd appreciate it. thanks.

My understanding....

The Creator

is what we make

the creator out to be.

The Creator is good.

The Creator is evil.

The Creator is neither in heaven

nor in hell,

nor here

nor there.

The Creator is nor you,

I,

he,

she,

nor it.

The Creator is within our parents,

our parents-parents;

and their parents;

and our ancestors;

and their ancestors.

The Creator is within our children

and their children

and the ones that will follow.

The Creator is within us all.

The Creator is everlasting.

Has no beginning.

No end.

The Creator inspires us

to keep on keeping on.

Gives us hope.

Gives us love.

The Creator also fails us.

Makes us feel

like there is no more.

Gives us challenges

and keeps us down

low as one can go.

The Creator loves us.

Hates us.

And yet through

the whole ordeal

will cherish us.

The Creator gives us life.

The Creator takes that life

here on earth away.

Gives us choices.

Gives us responsibilities.

Gives us insecurities.

Gives us issues.

The Creator labels us.

Brands us.

Breeds us.

The Creator allows us to believe.

Allows us to assume.

Allows us to judge.

Allows us to believe in superiority.

The Creator is honest.

Shows us our imperfections

and cruelties.

Opens up our minds

and spirits.

The Creator is also shallow.

Often keeping minds

and spirits closed;

causes grief to many.

The Creator is perfect.

Imperfect.

Right.

Wrong.

We call upon the Creator

for our strengths.

For our weaknesses.

For our life.

For others lives.

And the Creator listens.

May not agree.

But listens.

The Creator awards us

because we award

the Creator.

The Creator fails us

because we fail

the Creator.

We question the Creator,

therefore

the Creator questions us.

And vice versa.

But most importantly

the Creator is patient.

Because through

all of this

the Creator awaits.

And the Creator

in turn will call upon us

when we truly understand

without uncertainty.

You rocked my world; you know you did.

Ok so maybe he didn't really rock my world, but I did listen to his music from time to time.

Is this true? Is Michael Jackson really dead?

Facebook Friends say...

Alex Mckay- THIS JUST IN...Micheal Jackson has died!!! Little boys all over the world are breathing sighs of relief!!!

Karen Rocznik- Ok Folks.. MJ IS dead... let's just leave it at that!

Jess Tagoona- I guess his heart decided to beat it one last time.

Orwell Bernays III - children of the world just got safer. rip MJ.

Neil Coligan- Rest in Peace Michael...so much rumored, alleged and just plain strange, but the music will always speak of your talent

I turned on the tv to see almost every major television station with the same news. My first reaction to all of this was to check TMZ out (yes I know it's just as raunchy as all the other paparazzi stuff out there but I dig it because the 'journalists' who work here know they are lame for caring about celebrity news and call themselves on it!).

The weird thing...everyone and I mean everyone seems to be talking about it (including me, go figure). It's not like we all knew the guy.

But apparently these people did. Check out what other celebrities had to say about MJ via their twitter (jacked from TMZ by the way).

Lindsay Lohan: NO OMG ... sending my love and prayers out to Michael and his family ... i feel sick..

Marlon Wayans: My prayers, my love, my heart goes out to michael jackson and the entire jackson family. I pray so hard for them. I'm crushed! Please pray.

Pete Wentz: Prayers and thoughts with michael jackson ... I haven't hope in so long that news isn't true.

Kim Kardashian: Wow I am truly in shock that Michael Jackson has passed away! I love u Jackson family, my prayers are with the whole family!

Ashton Kutcher: Rip Sending love and light to family and friend but especially his kids.

As I sit here another 20 or so status updates with MJ appear on facebook. This is insane. I guess he was one of those people we all hated to love and loved to hate.

Regardless, RIP MJ. And I'll do the moonwalk just for you tonight. heh heh.

ps- I still can't help but wonder if MJ really did believe
his whole "it doesn't matter if you're black or white" theory?

♥ Winnipeg ♥

Off and on, for the last seven years, I have called Winnipeg home. Living mostly in St. James or East Kildonan, I never really had a liking for downtown.

I used to think it was all about business. Come downtown to work, pay bills, go to meetings. That's it. Last fall, I moved downtown because it was a last resort. The first place I was able to get an apartment (on my own with no co-signer by the way. first time. wooo!). Downtown has grown on me. So has this city.

I remember when I first moved this way after high school. I was a bushed out rez girl (I still think I have my moments) and I thought it was so bad, full of crime, and way too busy. And there is a lot of crime, believe me, there isn't a night that I don't hear at least five different sirens going off but I've come to the realization this is home. And there is so much more good around here than there is bad.

Now, I know I've outgrown OCN. It will always be my roots. I don't deny that. And I enjoy going there to visit, but honestly, I don't think I could live there anytime soon.

One day, I will move back. And I will have a purpose. But for now, Winnipeg is my home...more so downtown. I understand it as it does me. It's a natural thing.

Give your head a shake

There aren't many days where I sit and think WTF!?!?! But today was definitely one of those rare days.

I woke up, got ready like I usually would. Then did my usual routine. Check email. Sign on to facebook and check out what's happening through media websites. That's just me. I'm nosey.

After signing out of hotmail and just before I click the little red X...I see it at the corner of my eye. A baffling headline. Thinking, now why would msn have something such as this. I click it to find this story. Basically what it comes down to is federal health officials at Health Canada delayed shipping hand sanitizers to reserves in northern Manitoba because the products contain alcohol.

Seriously....WTF?!?!?

The excuse was that these communities are battling alcohol addictions and supposedly most would drink the sanitizer rather than use it to help with the H1N1 outbreak.

Yes, there is an alcohol problem, I'm not denying that. But the bigger problem is this infectious disease that seems to be hitting Native people the hardest. The bigger problem is burocrats thinking they know what's right for people living on reserve...meanwhile they have no idea what it's like.

Imagine living with no running water in a home that has years and years build up of mold. Living with 10 people in a house because there aren't enough to go around. It's no wonder the virus is attacking Native people like crazy. Plus there is a lack of health care services up north and the few that are there aren't up to par.

Take for example, the recent passing of a woman, Lorraine Wilson (nee Constant) who got H1N1 up north in my home community of Opaskwayak Cree Nation. RIP Lorraine.

I lived up north. I know how hard it is to see a real doctor. Most are interns who don't have a clue. It was reported that Lorraine went to the hospital in The Pas and was sent home with tylenol. I'm not blaming anyone but I know for a fact this happens. Getting misdiagnosed, it's happened to me.

Isn't there a better solution for this misdiagnose problem that happens far to much? Shouldn't this be the focus rather than battling addictions.

My point being, this addictions thing shouldn't be the biggest issue Health Canada should be worrying about.

I hate pulling the race card. I think it's weak and a cop out. But times like this I'm left to wonder....

Click Click Click; There you go, now smile...

I love taking photos. It's a really great feeling when you capture a moment in time that is so special to someone else.

Yes, I take photos with family and friends all the time with a point and shoot. It's fun too. But using an SLR is in a whole different playing field.

Standing there with my baby (canon rebel xt) in my hands, one eye closed, and the other looking through the lens. Observing what colors and shading are within the len's reach. Finding what the focus of the picture will be and eliminating any distractions. And then hearing the clicking sound as you move around your own body position to get different angles and a different feel. It's all really a great feeling.

Anyway, before I get sidetracked more I'll continue with what I was going to say. I recently had the opportunity to take some photos of my sister and her fiance for their engagement.

You see, I was planning to have a friend shoot them but because of life, it wasn't possible for her to come to the city. I could see my sister was disappointed (she lives in OCN afterall and the photo shoot was one of the reasons why she came this way) so I thought maybe I should dust off the canon rebel and try it out. She didn't have to use any of the photos after all. So how could I go wrong.

We went to the forks here in the city (after a night of consuming more alcohol than we should of by the way). I had them sit around and just be themselves. I thought that would be easy. Turns out Rueben is shy when a camera is around.

It was quite the experience because one thing, I forgot how to use my camera on manual settings. Two, the shyness factor, and three I had to look at this as an actual photo shoot, something I haven't done in over a year.

I took over a hundred photos and after edit I surprisingly liked 20 pictures. But of all of them, these four that I'm posting, there was just something about them that makes me stare in awe. My sister ended up liking them to so in the end it all worked out.

Just by looking at the photos you can see they are definately going to have a long and happy marriage. Congrats my lil sis!






ps- what's even better is I finally started taking photos again. =)

pps- Happy Birthday Momma!

Happy Aboriginal Day!

I absolutely love everything about who I am as a Native person. I think being a Cree woman owns.

My dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin. And others who look like me. Nice. Amazing.

I love brown. So today, on Aboriginal day, I say to all my people out there, stay brown!

Don't get me wrong here. I'm a firm believer as first peoples of this country I believe that everyday is my day. But it's always good to get recognized from others and to have a special day.

And across the country people are celebrating their heritage today (and over the weekend). Awesome.

Amber Helmer 2009

Above is the third annual flag winner of the contest they do on Aboriginal day. If you sign onto APTN's website you will hear the winner's explanation behind her drawing. I love creativity and each year the flag's get better and better.

So I says...Be proud of who you are and where you come from. I am.

ps- happy father's day too dad, and every other dad/grandpa/uncle out there that is something special to (a) child(ren).

Quarter of a Century

Since turning 25 has been the most exciting news in my life lately, my first blog is dedicated to just that! Even though I sometimes act like turning older is a bad thing, I really do like birthdays and getting older. As I age, so does my wisdom (or so I like to think).

So, *raises glass* Happy Quarter of a century to myself. Here's to the next 25 (and hopefully more). With that said, here's 25 life lessons I'm glad I've experienced (in no specific order).

Everything happens for a reason. I'd like to think this explains itself.

Never have regrets. Because at that point in time that's exactly what you chose for yourself.

Everyone gossips. Rule of thumb, always try remember if you open your mouth and talk about someone, "Can I say this to the person's face?". If you can't you should just shut up.

Don't be afraid to feel. If you want to cry in a crowded room or laugh out loud by yourself do it. Smile, be angry. Never try hide how you feel.

The world isn't out to get you. We all have our depressing moments. Dwell in it for a moment because it's a feeling, but pick yourself up. Count your blessings rather than what makes you depressed.

We all need love. To have it, to feel it. Whether it's your family, your friends, your lover or even for your job. We need to love someone and someone needs to love us back.

Always gas up your vehicle to full when you go on a road trip. Trying to wait until the next stop shouldn't happen. You never know what might happen. Which brings me to my next one....

Plan for the unexpected. I'm not a big planner myself but just think of what could happen and have an answer for those just in case moments.

Laughter really is the best medicine. I truly believe humor should own us all. The world would be a better place.

Cherish your time with your siblings. Learn from them. Enjoy them. Appreciate them. They know you inside and out without even having to tell them how you feel.

You always have a choice. I don't believe any of this crap where people say they have no choice. I've been called ignorant and ungrateful for believing this but life is what we choose for ourselves, no matter the situation.

If you are sorry for your actions, say it but only because you mean it. We've all made bad choices and decisions, hurt people. But I've learned to mean it when I say sorry. This next one is quite similiar...

Take responsibility for your actions. Enough with the excuses. So you fucked up. Deal with it. Make the outcome more memorable than the fuckup.

Always ask questions; Don't just sit and assume. Ask, find out why. Or how it happened (and learn which sources are real and which are just gossiping).

If you have friends from childhood hold on to them. Yes, people argue, fight, grow distant. But you should hold on to those you've had since the start. They are worth it (though it's okay to have a break from them).

You can't control someone else's actions but you can control how you react. Just remember to think things through.

Life is a balancing act and to be truly happy a person needs to understand all aspects of oneself. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. Mentally.

Live your life and don't let life live you. I've come to learn that you miss out on some of the greatest opportunities (and I know this kinda contradicts my whole everything happens for a reason theory...but I'm working on understanding it more myself).

After a night of drinking alcohol, drink lots of water (until you almost can't anymore) and wait up for at least an hour before passing out. It lessons the blow of the hangover. TRUST ME. heh heh.

Education isn't everything. Yes I know you need it to get a career, but it shouldn't be all a person is. I've met some pretty great people who didn't even finish high school. If anything it's about hard work.

Learn to forgive. I don't agree with the forget thing, I think a person should always remember but learn to move past it. It feels so much better than all that hate built up inside.

Love like you've never been hurt before. I've learned that relationships take a lot of work. But I try not to hold my past relationships to the new one/ compare them. Not only have I disappointed myself but my significant other.

We all need to have passion for something. Whether it's a job, culture, music, or art. Cherish it and hold on to it and keep believing in what it is that you do.

Always have faith. It gives us hope and understanding. To me, having faith just makes everything all better.

And last but not least.... Frienemies are not worth the hassle. I find that life is a lot less stressful and dramatic without them. Besides, one has enough to worry about just within oneself.