Kick to the ass should do me good

When I woke up today I began to cry. A cry that had so many emotions attached to it.

It's because I had one of those rare dreams. And it had everything to do with her.


My great-grandmother Beatrice. I lost her 2 and a half years ago. She was ninety and so full of life.

It's hard to explain these moments of clarity a person gets, especially when it comes in the form of a dream.

In my dream she was right there in front of me.

There she was, sitting in the living room, gazing out the huge "picture window" as she used to call it.

I had just drove into the reserve and was going to speak with her. The timeline fits my life right now....which is weird because I know she has passed on.

"My life is at a standstill," I shout to her as I walk in. "I need help. I don't know where to go from here."

She greets me with a smile. No words are spoken from her but a hand gesture is made that tells me to come sit beside her.

I can feel her next to me (even my sleeping body could feel her sitting next to me). Oh my it's an amazing feeling.

I immediately tell her I lost my job 2 months ago and I didn't have the courage to tell her sooner. She laughs at me. An odd reaction I think.

"You think I didn't notice you weren't on tv?" she says. I laugh with her. "I guess I didn't think about that," I say. "Well what now?"

She looks and smiles. "Silly question," she tells me.

"What do you mean Kookum?" I respond.

She immediately lifts her long pointer finger and takes a quick poke to my shoulder (you know those boney granny fingers that poke you so deep and leave an instant sting? Well one of those.).

I try to pretend like it didn't hurt. So she does it again harder.

"What?" I say slightly irritated (even in my dream she could get me going and start to realize I already know the answer but I'm playing the stupid role all to well).

She points to her own head as she makes a facial expression meant to imitate me like I just got the world's greatest idea.

"Kookum, I missed you," I could hear my sleeping self mumble.

She smiles. Leans in and says in her soothing voice, "Tiar baby, you pick yourself back up. Your opportunity to shine is out there. Go get it."

As she stares me down. She raises her finger in a no nonsense kinda way, "Or do I have to give you a kick in the ass to jolt it in you?" She says with a cheeky laugh.

With that said, she kisses my cheek. "That's it. Just a kiss on the cheek?"

And just like that I was awake...with the faint smell of her in my room and a warm cheek, like I had just been kissed.

And like mentioned earlier I started to cry. It was an immediate reaction to feeling ripped off because it was only a dream. I was lonely and wanted to be with my kookum, the one person in my life that could make it, make life, all better.

Just as fast as I understood the feeling I began to start to feel relief that I could actually remember every detail of how she looked, sounded, smelled, reacted. Yep, I had been blessed.

Not long after, I found myself smiling and eventually I was giggling.

It's strange how just yesterday I was talking about how I finally started realizing I need a job. Well, I knew all along I did, but for a month now, it's like I've been purposely avoiding the media scene.

I guess you can say, that awakening this morning (err, afternoon) was my kick in the ass. Thanks Kookum. I needed that.